i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
