eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
