I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
