No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Acid is not a monday night drug
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
