You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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