I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
