No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
