in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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