Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
