Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We talked him into tasing himself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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