Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
