Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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