we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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