a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
