Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
