I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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