He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
