From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
