when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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