I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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