I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
being pregnant is like rehab
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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