She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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