12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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