You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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