she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
