Please, let me fuck your mom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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