Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
