also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
