I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
