worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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