Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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