Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
