He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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