Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
