Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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