Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
