I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
