I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
