my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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