I think my fart just growled at me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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