I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
