he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
