I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my nose is crying tears of wow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
