it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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