I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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