every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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