my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I smell like Dick and happiness
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
