'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
