You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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