i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
