I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can I color on your dick again?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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