can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
