Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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