Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
