New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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