come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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