You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
