Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
