Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
