I can text with my tongue
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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