my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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