how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
