And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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