i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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