You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
