I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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