I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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