i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
