operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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