I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
