Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
