The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
