rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
