I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think people are normalizing furries
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
