Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
