im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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