tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
