I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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