This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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