She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
