the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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