If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
