Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
