your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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