I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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