She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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