i think my tv is drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
