Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
