dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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