dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
